Struggle

I must struggle to be young and immortal again
every day an opportunity to earn a gold star
to do some adulting
every day more precious
my life is a lever
With one end shorter
it needs more weight to balance

stage 4 chronic kidney disease
there, I said it
that wasn’t so difficult
to name something is to have power over it

I am still bargaining
returning to England
the odds of a kidney are better
I will miss my friends

but still I have hope
perhaps there will be a tissue match
if I just close my eyes and believe
I could live another 15 years

but then the cold hard light of reason shines through
I need to live each day for itself
if I am to make a mark
I should do it in the next three years
and keep my affairs in order